I am not perfect, sorry...

For the past 2 weeks my feeling about my job is on the rock. Deep inside I love my jobs so much. I do love my students, the kids makes me happy at heart. Painting, colours, drawing are the things I love to do and I swear to live my life in art. But yes, nothing is perfect. My job, even me...

These days I noticed myself browsing on jobs section a lot. A friend asked me 'Do u ever think of quitting?'. I was saying yes. The job seems to be perfect for me (I mentioned perfect so many times already, bear with it. Look at the title) but still I am only human. I don't like being taking for granted. I HAVE FEELINGS like everyone else.

First, feel like to compare with a part timer is a NO to me. Second, if 1 day out of 20 days I was late for work, this is not something I expect:

"Chibi, next time please come early. Keep in mind that your working hours is 9 to 6." (actually there's some more sentence which I forgot what it is, and it was hurting)

I was trying to tell that I accidentally woke up late today as I forgot to on my alarm, unfortunately I was ignored. Then it makes me shut and my heart was crying inside.

This is something I prefer to hear:
"Chibi, did you woke up late today? Next time come early, okay. Don't do that again." The word 'don't do that again' is already a warning to me which I prefer more and will alarm my brain for not doing it again. But do I have any choice if people zooming my tiny fault and close their eyes for all the good things I have done? It's UNFAIR!

I'm not hoping for people to praise me so much, no... I never like it though. I never even asked for a Thank you. It's okay, I know my level and I did my job even it's not perfect but I tried my best and never stop trying.

All I was asking is a proper intonation or probably proper words that will never hurt me. Please makes me realize that I am wrong, but not in a hard way. Please... (oh God, I'm weeping now)

The feeling quite burden me, it kept wandering in my mind and I determined myself to be more patient. I'm gonna swear myself to give forgiveness for the cause of bruise I have in my heart. I'm gonna wish the feeling faded overnight and I'll be okay tomorrow.

Dear Allah, please help me to be better.

XOXO
chibi